I just read about Dean Kamen on Tim Ferriss' blog. Very inspirational guy.
Be careful about trusting intuition, but be more careful not to bend to the majority for whom “impossible” is a comforting excuse for inaction.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Break
I went back home Sunday. I'm staying for a week. I'm not going to write anything new until I get back to DC, but I will write an update.
Ridgewoo is just as boring as I remembered it. My mom is just as stressed as she was the last time I saw her. The only difference is that she has become even more pissed off at Obama, especially due to his new Health Care Reform. And, she is coming across frustrating obstacles to sell our house. The appraisal people suck. My mom is also a racist. She is also irrational and listens to the most idiotic radio shows and Fox News. She is a smart woman and means well, but sometimes I can't help but question.
Most of my friends in Ridgewood are really boring people. I'm actually surprised that some didn't bother staying in our hometown. I came to a point by the end of freshman year of college that I really stopped caring about them. Whenever I look back at middle school or the beginning of high school and dig up what I used to think was so important (popularity), I cringe and hate myself for it. Ugh.
I hung out with Jen, Alex, Chris, and kc this week. Everyone else is either out of town or unwilling to be interesting people.
Alex is a friend who can be too nice at times and gets walked all over. I'm glad he came out with us the past two nights. He's a solid guy.
Kris does his own thing. I got high with him one night. Won't see him for awhile.
kc is a cool guy. We have similar interests. I've only gotten to know him through kris. I wish I had someone like him around me at all times. The reason being his fantastic photography. I would love to have a pro photographer around me documenting my life. I could see it get annoying, but as long as he partakes in the adventure, no big deal.
I saw some kids at McMurps I didn't want to see and others I haven't seen since high school. I ran into owen b, who worked with me at La Piaz. He called me Arrogant. I felt so proud. I don't know why. Maybe because hes an intelligent guy who could be just as big of a dick. Anyways, he agreed that Zvi, the owner and boss of the restaurant, treated me like shit when I worked there. Maybe it had to do with my "arrogance" when I worked there. Fuck her. He said I worked well and she constantly focused on what I did wrong. The thought of her enraged me and then I went off on Owen, saying he was really cool because he hung around girls four years younger than him in Ridgewoo. Then I brought up the fact that he went to NYU and hung around hipster fucks who meaninglessly protested anything. He was taken aback.
Whenever I drink more than I should, I get incredibly aggressive. So much deep-seated anger leaks out of me. The town makes me especially crazy.
I also ran into j and his brother mike, bb, and pat whose wake forest shorts I still have. I should give them back to him smeared with shit. That kid is one ugly bastard. Mike grew up tall. He was surprised to see me there. Jeff left with Jen and Alex. I ended up hitting on some older chick. Didn't last. I walked home in a drunken and pissed off stupor.
This morning was the first morning this week that my heart panged. My liver or kidney hurts. My sides actually hurt. I should stop drinking or take it easy. My family has a history of alcoholism. My grandfather was a rumrunner and the town alcoholic. My half sister has been fighting it for the past ten years.
I'm getting picked up today by my friends from DC to go up to upstate NY to party. My friend Carrie is having a huge pig roast at her house near Albany. Should be fun. I just hope it makes me get over this anger towards Ridgewoo
Ridgewoo is just as boring as I remembered it. My mom is just as stressed as she was the last time I saw her. The only difference is that she has become even more pissed off at Obama, especially due to his new Health Care Reform. And, she is coming across frustrating obstacles to sell our house. The appraisal people suck. My mom is also a racist. She is also irrational and listens to the most idiotic radio shows and Fox News. She is a smart woman and means well, but sometimes I can't help but question.
Most of my friends in Ridgewood are really boring people. I'm actually surprised that some didn't bother staying in our hometown. I came to a point by the end of freshman year of college that I really stopped caring about them. Whenever I look back at middle school or the beginning of high school and dig up what I used to think was so important (popularity), I cringe and hate myself for it. Ugh.
I hung out with Jen, Alex, Chris, and kc this week. Everyone else is either out of town or unwilling to be interesting people.
Alex is a friend who can be too nice at times and gets walked all over. I'm glad he came out with us the past two nights. He's a solid guy.
Kris does his own thing. I got high with him one night. Won't see him for awhile.
kc is a cool guy. We have similar interests. I've only gotten to know him through kris. I wish I had someone like him around me at all times. The reason being his fantastic photography. I would love to have a pro photographer around me documenting my life. I could see it get annoying, but as long as he partakes in the adventure, no big deal.
I saw some kids at McMurps I didn't want to see and others I haven't seen since high school. I ran into owen b, who worked with me at La Piaz. He called me Arrogant. I felt so proud. I don't know why. Maybe because hes an intelligent guy who could be just as big of a dick. Anyways, he agreed that Zvi, the owner and boss of the restaurant, treated me like shit when I worked there. Maybe it had to do with my "arrogance" when I worked there. Fuck her. He said I worked well and she constantly focused on what I did wrong. The thought of her enraged me and then I went off on Owen, saying he was really cool because he hung around girls four years younger than him in Ridgewoo. Then I brought up the fact that he went to NYU and hung around hipster fucks who meaninglessly protested anything. He was taken aback.
Whenever I drink more than I should, I get incredibly aggressive. So much deep-seated anger leaks out of me. The town makes me especially crazy.
I also ran into j and his brother mike, bb, and pat whose wake forest shorts I still have. I should give them back to him smeared with shit. That kid is one ugly bastard. Mike grew up tall. He was surprised to see me there. Jeff left with Jen and Alex. I ended up hitting on some older chick. Didn't last. I walked home in a drunken and pissed off stupor.
This morning was the first morning this week that my heart panged. My liver or kidney hurts. My sides actually hurt. I should stop drinking or take it easy. My family has a history of alcoholism. My grandfather was a rumrunner and the town alcoholic. My half sister has been fighting it for the past ten years.
I'm getting picked up today by my friends from DC to go up to upstate NY to party. My friend Carrie is having a huge pig roast at her house near Albany. Should be fun. I just hope it makes me get over this anger towards Ridgewoo
Thursday, July 30, 2009
And Again
And yet again i have not written my post about the sin we dare not speak of. Hopefully, I will commit and write it up tomorrow.
Otherwise, I had a normal day. Went to work. Hated Sarah, the assistant manager. Came back, listened to Chris Brown with Carrie and her friends. Went to Blackfinn in Bethesda. It was a Mcfaddens junior and was filled with juniors. A lot of underage girls and sketchy guys. I'm liking the bar scene less and less. Go figure. The reason we went had to do with Carrie's ex=boyfriends bday. We met up with him and two friends and just drank. I ate a lot of food.
Now, I'm just watching X games 15. I remember I used to watch the X - Games religiously. Good thing there is now ESPN360 so I can catch up whenever I miss the events. After watching some of these clips, I really miss skateboarding. Maybe I'll pick it up again. We will have to see.
Otherwise, I had a normal day. Went to work. Hated Sarah, the assistant manager. Came back, listened to Chris Brown with Carrie and her friends. Went to Blackfinn in Bethesda. It was a Mcfaddens junior and was filled with juniors. A lot of underage girls and sketchy guys. I'm liking the bar scene less and less. Go figure. The reason we went had to do with Carrie's ex=boyfriends bday. We met up with him and two friends and just drank. I ate a lot of food.
Now, I'm just watching X games 15. I remember I used to watch the X - Games religiously. Good thing there is now ESPN360 so I can catch up whenever I miss the events. After watching some of these clips, I really miss skateboarding. Maybe I'll pick it up again. We will have to see.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Too Late
I intended to type up a post about lust. That will have to wait because i am an idiot who stays up late for no reason and then does not get enough sleep.
Tomorrow maybe.
Dave is leaving for Japan tomorrow. Lucky bastard.
Tomorrow maybe.
Dave is leaving for Japan tomorrow. Lucky bastard.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Are You Better Than Yesterday?
Three things:
"Either way I was learning the lesson - the one that's not supposed to hold true. The one that goes against everything they teach us as kids about being careful, acting deliberately, cautiously - that little's ever lost in impulsiveness, and often much gained. That the meanest regrets in life are all born of hesitation. Of thinking when you should have been acting." - Philalawyer
I have been trying to live in accordance with this lesson for the past few years and I feel like I have accomplished much, specifically in the romantic realm. I often look at the prospect of death as a motivator for actions. Tucker Max is one guy who kind of epitomizes, personifies this way. "I want to emphasize one thing I said: Everything counts. This is your life, you only have about 80 years if you are lucky, and everything you do counts. Even practice counts. Why? Because you are practing for something that does matter: A game."
Another gem by Tucker: "Some people can't handle this. They'd rather talk about what they could have won rather than risk losing to actually win it. Personally, I don't get that attitude. I'd rather try my best and fail, then risk nothing, but gain nothing."
Could'a Would'a Should've...Shove'em up the tooth fairy's ass.
Second, I was reading a guest post by Chad Fowler on Tim Ferriss' blog. The main point and the title of the post was 'Are you are better than yesterday.'
"Make a list of the difficult, complex personal or professional improvements you’d like to make. It’s OK if you have a fairly long list. Now, for each item in the list, think about what you could do today to make yourself or that item better than yesterday. Tomorrow, look at the list again.
Was yesterday better than the day before? How can you make today better? Do it again the next day. Put it on your calendar. Spend two minutes thinking about this each morning.
One of the great things about this simple maxim is that it can apply to very tactical goals, such as finishing a project or cleaning up a piece of software, or it can apply to the very highest level goals you might have. How have you taken better action today for improving your career than you did yesterday? Make one more contact, submit a patch to an open source project, write a thoughtful post and publish it on your weblog. Help one more person on a technical forum in your area of expertise than you did yesterday. If you every day you do a little better than yesterday toward improving yourself, you’ll find that the otherwise ocean-sized proposition of building a remarkable career becomes more tractable."
Very Inspirational.
Third. I went out with Bailey for frozen yogurt at Yogi Berri. It was nice. A mini date. We talked for about an hour, maybe longer. I felt that Bailey was really nervous. A good nervousness I thought. She kept rubbing her legs, twisting her hair. We hugged. No kiss. No need to. I may surprise her tomorrow with a little venture to the local park. Rekindle childhood. If that doesn't work out, we are still going to go to the Gibson when both of us come back from our trips home.
Bailey seems very innocent. A girl who I will need to go slow with. The good thing is that I respect her, unlike a lot of the girls i have hooked up with in the past. The only thing I am worried about is the length of time I will have to wait until we fuck. I don't want to ruin this due to my lecherousness. I feel bad just saying it, but its true. We will have to see.
Next post on lust.
"Either way I was learning the lesson - the one that's not supposed to hold true. The one that goes against everything they teach us as kids about being careful, acting deliberately, cautiously - that little's ever lost in impulsiveness, and often much gained. That the meanest regrets in life are all born of hesitation. Of thinking when you should have been acting." - Philalawyer
I have been trying to live in accordance with this lesson for the past few years and I feel like I have accomplished much, specifically in the romantic realm. I often look at the prospect of death as a motivator for actions. Tucker Max is one guy who kind of epitomizes, personifies this way. "I want to emphasize one thing I said: Everything counts. This is your life, you only have about 80 years if you are lucky, and everything you do counts. Even practice counts. Why? Because you are practing for something that does matter: A game."
Another gem by Tucker: "Some people can't handle this. They'd rather talk about what they could have won rather than risk losing to actually win it. Personally, I don't get that attitude. I'd rather try my best and fail, then risk nothing, but gain nothing."
Could'a Would'a Should've...Shove'em up the tooth fairy's ass.
Second, I was reading a guest post by Chad Fowler on Tim Ferriss' blog. The main point and the title of the post was 'Are you are better than yesterday.'
"Make a list of the difficult, complex personal or professional improvements you’d like to make. It’s OK if you have a fairly long list. Now, for each item in the list, think about what you could do today to make yourself or that item better than yesterday. Tomorrow, look at the list again.
Was yesterday better than the day before? How can you make today better? Do it again the next day. Put it on your calendar. Spend two minutes thinking about this each morning.
One of the great things about this simple maxim is that it can apply to very tactical goals, such as finishing a project or cleaning up a piece of software, or it can apply to the very highest level goals you might have. How have you taken better action today for improving your career than you did yesterday? Make one more contact, submit a patch to an open source project, write a thoughtful post and publish it on your weblog. Help one more person on a technical forum in your area of expertise than you did yesterday. If you every day you do a little better than yesterday toward improving yourself, you’ll find that the otherwise ocean-sized proposition of building a remarkable career becomes more tractable."
Very Inspirational.
Third. I went out with Bailey for frozen yogurt at Yogi Berri. It was nice. A mini date. We talked for about an hour, maybe longer. I felt that Bailey was really nervous. A good nervousness I thought. She kept rubbing her legs, twisting her hair. We hugged. No kiss. No need to. I may surprise her tomorrow with a little venture to the local park. Rekindle childhood. If that doesn't work out, we are still going to go to the Gibson when both of us come back from our trips home.
Bailey seems very innocent. A girl who I will need to go slow with. The good thing is that I respect her, unlike a lot of the girls i have hooked up with in the past. The only thing I am worried about is the length of time I will have to wait until we fuck. I don't want to ruin this due to my lecherousness. I feel bad just saying it, but its true. We will have to see.
Next post on lust.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Tis Nice
Tis nice to hear back from Bailey. We set up a date for tomorrow. I think it will work out.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Today Is the Day
Today's the day where I make somewhat of a resolution to myself. I have resolved that I will write a post, regardless of length, every day until the day classes begin. The post will contain anything. It could be a word or an elaborate story. I just have to commit to something.
Since I started the blog a few weeks back, there has been a total of two or three posts. It kind of pisses me off that I haven't pushed myself to post anything. Writing kind of sucks. It's difficult, especially when you are a perfectionist like myself. I think it was Charles Bukowski who, when asked about writing, said that the people who tell you to write everyday don't know what the hell they're talking about. I believe he said something along the lines of, write only when you feel passion, when you actually want to write. If you don't feel like writing, why the fuck are you even trying? I don't know about that. I mean, it may sound reasonable, but , at the same time, if you didn't constantly write, how would you learn? Writing takes years, no matter how passionate you are. If you want to write well, the sometimes laborious task of writing every day is necessary.
Now -- what has happened to me lately?
Well, one night I managed to drink myself almost into a coma, run away from the party, lie to my friend mollie jo as to where I was countless of times, slam my left arm into the side door of the house, bleed all over the kitchen and bathroom,try to treat my wounds with q-tips, leave the q-tips stuck to my bloody limb, pour sugar all over the kitchen floor, pour the handle of tequila i bought hours before the party, rip out a strand of christmas lights, fall on my face on the porch, throw up in the car on the way to the hospital, argue with an aid about being an alcoholic, shit myself, get sprayed by another aid, change into a johnny gown, change back into original clothing (jeans wet), wake up 6 in the morning, find myself perplexed at my situation, realize none of my friends are around me, find a nurse stitching up my pinkie and left arm, go back to sleep, wake up a moment later to curse my stupidity, and hail a cab with one flip flop on.
2 - This past friday night, my boys from pitt, mason, rob, and mark, chaz, and zach greene all visited. Originally, I had reserved a 12 seated table at Good Guys, a strip club on Wisconsin near Georgetown. Well, Mike, like he normally does when he doesn't get his way, tried to convince the Pitt crew to not go and instead go to Adams Morgan. I protested his suggestion. No one listened. I flipped out and ended up getting all pissy. I called out Mike on his tendency to pretend he knows everything about DC nightlife despite the fact he has been out to maybe 4 bars and rarely goes out. Things kind of got reconciled and the Pitt crew prepared to go out to Adams Morgan. Mike and Zach met up with them later. I ended up going out with Carrie, Chaz, Laura, Phillip, Evan, Derek, and Dave Carp. We ended up going to third edition and mr. smiths. we went back to dereks. I passed out on one of dereks guest beds after watching entourage. Carp woke me up and told me Laura went into another room with Phillip and suggested that I should get her. My response, "Yeah, you know what - I should!" He knocked, she came, we slept. I woke up next to her smooth and creamy body. We chatted. We made out a bit and she decided that it was time to go back home. Carp would mention how terrible of a person I was to everyone including Laura who thankfully still maintained her image of Carpenter being the responsible one.
Chaz hooked up with Carrie and they both returned around 7 in the morning. Chaz had a video conference with a boss and when we all came back, we ended up just chillin and watching "Back to the Future." We decided to lounge in our kiddie pool while imbibing some nice Sangria. Kegs were then delivered.
One Yuengling, one natty, two handles of everclear, and a shit ton of soda later and we were on our way to begin another party. Party began. A lot of girls in tight dresses. I was in heaven, but I paid little attention to the girls. I was on a role with Rob. We went 7 rounds in beer pong and finally were defeated by Engler and Hannan.
Throughout the night, I didnt pay much attention to Bailey. I really shouldve, but when you're having a party, you cant please everyone. I tried talking to her at the end of the party. Her friends Steph and Elise, but really Elise ended up smashing all thoughts of hooking up with Bailey. Elise called me and Mike 'a bunch of girls' and that I should control myself so I don't punch another window. She brought up a joke bet that we made a few weeks ago and said the only reason I hooked up with Bailey was because of it. I adamantly opposed and confronted Bailey about this. "Look at my actions. If I just hooked up with you because of a bet, why the hell would I still want to see you and hang out? I really like you and I think there was some miscommunication."
She was drunk. Elise and Steph were as well. And so was I. We basically agreed to meet up sometime this week and left it on good terms...i think. I heard from Mike that things were alright. I gotta talk with her tomorrow. I think she is one of the few girls I wouldn't mind dating. It would be especially nice considering how close she lives. The thing with her is that she isn't striking beautiful or anything like that. She is decently attractive and has a really nice personality. She is a cool girl to hang out with and I feel I still have a lot to discover about her. I think I am ready for a relationship. I'm not actively seeking a relationship though because that would be a stupid thing to do. I have a history of being dealt many good cards in this dating game, yet indecisive enough to somehow screw up something really special. I wait for more and more girls and I skip out on the ones that are right in front of me, just as great (except Diana Blass - another post on her).
I'm still pissed off at Elise for what she said and I feel she may be a little bitter about her situation and guys in general. Well, the night of the party, both Mike and Carp approached her about the situation and made it a little worse. Later on, when most of the guests had left the party, Mike confronted Carp about his tendency to get caught up in other peoples businesses and his big mouth. Farley, at this time, wielded a big knife and was almost completely naked, black boxer briefs covering whatever dignity he had left. He gave us a little show and slammed the knife into the wall. More and more were we starting to be frightened of the possibility of Farley stabbing something more animate. He followed Rob, sat next to him, shushing him and acting weird. He finally left and we didnt see him until the next day when he woke up 5:30 in the afternoon.
Since I started the blog a few weeks back, there has been a total of two or three posts. It kind of pisses me off that I haven't pushed myself to post anything. Writing kind of sucks. It's difficult, especially when you are a perfectionist like myself. I think it was Charles Bukowski who, when asked about writing, said that the people who tell you to write everyday don't know what the hell they're talking about. I believe he said something along the lines of, write only when you feel passion, when you actually want to write. If you don't feel like writing, why the fuck are you even trying? I don't know about that. I mean, it may sound reasonable, but , at the same time, if you didn't constantly write, how would you learn? Writing takes years, no matter how passionate you are. If you want to write well, the sometimes laborious task of writing every day is necessary.
Now -- what has happened to me lately?
Well, one night I managed to drink myself almost into a coma, run away from the party, lie to my friend mollie jo as to where I was countless of times, slam my left arm into the side door of the house, bleed all over the kitchen and bathroom,try to treat my wounds with q-tips, leave the q-tips stuck to my bloody limb, pour sugar all over the kitchen floor, pour the handle of tequila i bought hours before the party, rip out a strand of christmas lights, fall on my face on the porch, throw up in the car on the way to the hospital, argue with an aid about being an alcoholic, shit myself, get sprayed by another aid, change into a johnny gown, change back into original clothing (jeans wet), wake up 6 in the morning, find myself perplexed at my situation, realize none of my friends are around me, find a nurse stitching up my pinkie and left arm, go back to sleep, wake up a moment later to curse my stupidity, and hail a cab with one flip flop on.
2 - This past friday night, my boys from pitt, mason, rob, and mark, chaz, and zach greene all visited. Originally, I had reserved a 12 seated table at Good Guys, a strip club on Wisconsin near Georgetown. Well, Mike, like he normally does when he doesn't get his way, tried to convince the Pitt crew to not go and instead go to Adams Morgan. I protested his suggestion. No one listened. I flipped out and ended up getting all pissy. I called out Mike on his tendency to pretend he knows everything about DC nightlife despite the fact he has been out to maybe 4 bars and rarely goes out. Things kind of got reconciled and the Pitt crew prepared to go out to Adams Morgan. Mike and Zach met up with them later. I ended up going out with Carrie, Chaz, Laura, Phillip, Evan, Derek, and Dave Carp. We ended up going to third edition and mr. smiths. we went back to dereks. I passed out on one of dereks guest beds after watching entourage. Carp woke me up and told me Laura went into another room with Phillip and suggested that I should get her. My response, "Yeah, you know what - I should!" He knocked, she came, we slept. I woke up next to her smooth and creamy body. We chatted. We made out a bit and she decided that it was time to go back home. Carp would mention how terrible of a person I was to everyone including Laura who thankfully still maintained her image of Carpenter being the responsible one.
Chaz hooked up with Carrie and they both returned around 7 in the morning. Chaz had a video conference with a boss and when we all came back, we ended up just chillin and watching "Back to the Future." We decided to lounge in our kiddie pool while imbibing some nice Sangria. Kegs were then delivered.
One Yuengling, one natty, two handles of everclear, and a shit ton of soda later and we were on our way to begin another party. Party began. A lot of girls in tight dresses. I was in heaven, but I paid little attention to the girls. I was on a role with Rob. We went 7 rounds in beer pong and finally were defeated by Engler and Hannan.
Throughout the night, I didnt pay much attention to Bailey. I really shouldve, but when you're having a party, you cant please everyone. I tried talking to her at the end of the party. Her friends Steph and Elise, but really Elise ended up smashing all thoughts of hooking up with Bailey. Elise called me and Mike 'a bunch of girls' and that I should control myself so I don't punch another window. She brought up a joke bet that we made a few weeks ago and said the only reason I hooked up with Bailey was because of it. I adamantly opposed and confronted Bailey about this. "Look at my actions. If I just hooked up with you because of a bet, why the hell would I still want to see you and hang out? I really like you and I think there was some miscommunication."
She was drunk. Elise and Steph were as well. And so was I. We basically agreed to meet up sometime this week and left it on good terms...i think. I heard from Mike that things were alright. I gotta talk with her tomorrow. I think she is one of the few girls I wouldn't mind dating. It would be especially nice considering how close she lives. The thing with her is that she isn't striking beautiful or anything like that. She is decently attractive and has a really nice personality. She is a cool girl to hang out with and I feel I still have a lot to discover about her. I think I am ready for a relationship. I'm not actively seeking a relationship though because that would be a stupid thing to do. I have a history of being dealt many good cards in this dating game, yet indecisive enough to somehow screw up something really special. I wait for more and more girls and I skip out on the ones that are right in front of me, just as great (except Diana Blass - another post on her).
I'm still pissed off at Elise for what she said and I feel she may be a little bitter about her situation and guys in general. Well, the night of the party, both Mike and Carp approached her about the situation and made it a little worse. Later on, when most of the guests had left the party, Mike confronted Carp about his tendency to get caught up in other peoples businesses and his big mouth. Farley, at this time, wielded a big knife and was almost completely naked, black boxer briefs covering whatever dignity he had left. He gave us a little show and slammed the knife into the wall. More and more were we starting to be frightened of the possibility of Farley stabbing something more animate. He followed Rob, sat next to him, shushing him and acting weird. He finally left and we didnt see him until the next day when he woke up 5:30 in the afternoon.
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